Sirius Black: The Love Of His Life
by Teddy Moniz
Summary: I feel the pain of being loathed by my best friend. I'll make my death worth while. I can promise myself that." Rated T for hints of suicide.
1. Sirius Black: The Love Of His Life

Sirius Black: The Love Of His Life

The early morning breeze swept through my hair.

The air was cool and crisp.

I was in my most deep state of relaxation, of peace, of carelessness.

In the forest, masterless and free I roamed for 3 hours every morning at 3:00 am.

The darkish blue skies and the cool early breeze gave me feelings that I adored and cherrished, just like my dearest friends.

Going to the forest gave me a chance to experience peace on earth, once every few hours in the morning.

Pity it couldn't last a lifetime.

Moony, Wormtail and Prongs never knew of my "early morning walks".

They never needed to.

All they know is that I'm really cheerful in the morning, when _they_ wake up.

I did this ever morning to disapate the pain I endure every day for what I have done to ...

Silence truly is golden, and tonight I shall forever remain silent in the stomachs of non - changable werewolves.

Finally, I could put myself and my friends at peace.

If I never forgave myself for what I did to them, why should they?

I felt, worried, for the first time that morning.

As the trees swayed and the breeze blew I felt a feeling of concern lodged into my mind, so, naturaly, because I was unable to dismis it from my mind, I thought about it.

Would James miss me? Would _lupin_ miss me? No. They hated me, that was a fact.

If what I'm going to do will make my friends happy then I'll do it without a second thought.

I walked and walked, deeper and deeper into the forest.

I then began to realize, that I myself had no care for my own well fare.

They hated me they could do so much better without me. All I do is slow them down and prevent them from being their best.

I had to do it. There is no other way to silence the pain I felt and the pain I bring to my friends.

I walked closer and closer to the werewolf territory site until I got there.

I felt excellent in their presence as I came closer and closer to their line of sight.

Werewolves never attacked or hurt me, it's strange really. As a matter of fact they allow me to pet and feed them.

I think it's because of Re... silence is golden.

Because he was once my friend and hates me now I think I've developed a way with werewolves.

I understand them.

The pain they feel of being loathed because of who they are.

I feel the pain of being loathed by my best friend.

I'll make my death worth while. I can promise myself that.


	2. Remus Lupin: The Love He Lost

**Remus Lupin: The Love He Lost**

Special thanks to my awesome editor, Sora Issabella Luin-Black for being herself. And sorry if the story's kinda crappy, I kinda had to type it at night with only coke to keep me awake.

PLZ REVIEW!

Morning was always an excellent time of day for Padfoot.

He always woke up refreshed and even hyper sometimes.

Only this morning was different.

When I woke up this morning I noticed the rising sun, the coolish breeze through the window and the usually fine view of wormtail's ass.

But no Padfoot.

"Where did Padfoot go off to?" I asked drowsily.

"I don't know," replied Prongs feebly. "He's probably at the washroom, and I'm going back to sleep."

I quickly put on my school robe and took up my wand and left for the bathroom in a hurry.

Once I reached there I noticed Padfoot wasn't there.

Where could he be? Why didn't he tell us he was leaving anywhere?

He usually doesn't mind waking us up to tell us he is going somewhere.

But wait.

What if he ran away?

No, impossible.

It was just a little argument we had last night. He should have forgotten all about it by now.

He would never run away, he must have been over reacting when he said "I should just leave your lives in that case, then I will be out of your way and cause no more harm!"

Worried, I began to jog to Professor McGonagall's office.

When I explained to her that I couldn't find Sirius anywhere and he hadn't told us he was going anywhere she replied with: "Are you sure he's not just _pulling your legs_? You lot have a tendency to do that."

"No, he wouldn't joke like this." I replied, slightly frightened .

"Well you will just have to wait until he comes back from where ever he is." Responded McGonagall while resuming the paperwork she was doing before my interruption.

At that moment, worry transformed into fear.

"He didn't run away, he didn't run away..." I convinced myself while running towards the doors to the grounds.

He couldn't have run away, just couldn't have.

Knowing Padfoot he would definitly not be anywhere but in the dormitories this early in the morning, but I know he didn't run away... Or at least.. I _think _I know.

I entered the grounds of Hogwarts, concerned, fearful, worried.

Padfoot just couldn't have run away.

But mabye he didn't run away.

He always mentioned something about roaming the forbidden forest really early in the morning.

Mabye that's where he is.

But he should be back by now.

Unless... he is... No. He's not dead. He's to strong to be killed in the forbidden forest let alone anywhere.

I walked up to the forest entrance and yelled "Sirius!"

No response.

I walk into the forest, deeper and deeper I went until I was almost sure I had reached the center of it.

I hollered his name again in hopes of being more successful for a response.

"Sirius!!!!"

Silence.

Abruptly, I lose myself. I began flailing and screaming his name vigorously.

"Sirius! Sirius! SIRIUS!!!!!"

Nothing.

Then, as suddenly as my rampage of yelling and screaming started, it ended.

And then, the little bit of hope that I had that Sirius didn't run away, slipped from my fingers.

Now I had no hope at all.

I was quite simply hopeless.

My head turned I heard a rustling noise coming from the bushes.

Frightened and slightly scared, I drew my wand and poised it at the bush, ready to cast a jinx if anything went wrong.

Soon enough a figure emerged from the bushes, as a matter of fact, it was a werewolf.

I can understand what werewolves feel or try say by their facial expressions. Seeing as how I am part werewolf this wasn't a surprise.

The werewolf looked sad, almost as if it had done something it shouldn't have.

It walked up to me and began whining.

"What's wrong?" I asked the werewolf.

It looked at me. Then, in a split second, it ran away and suddenly came back with a stick in its mouth.

First I was shocked that it ran away at such a surprising speed then confused that it came back with a stick.

But no matter how I was feeling I never took my mind off of sirius. His beautiful face.

The werewolf began to nudge me and dropped the stick in front of me.

I picked up the stick and realized that it wasn't just a stick, it was Sirius's wand.

Sirius would never leave his wand anywhere for any reason, even if he was running away, and that planted only one idea into my mind.

Sirius is dead.

Then it made sense to me why the werewolf looked so guilty.

To make things worse, the theory I had that Sirius is dead was proven all the more correct once I found a note on his wand.

It read: "_Dear Moony, Wormtail and Prongs,_

_I am sorry that I have gotten in your way so much over the past years we have been friends. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've gotten you into and the problems you have had to encounter because of me. I know you are in pain because of me, and I know that the only way your pain will stop is if I leave your lives, and life itself. Now that I think over all the things I've done to you, I begin to believe that my existance was a mistake and that if it wasn't then I was only created to cause pain. I've run away from home because of the pain I have cause my mother, I have run away from my family because of the pain I've caused them and now, I'm done running. After my death both you guys and me will be at rest and the pain will be no more. Remus, if you are reading this I want you to know that I know that you hate me. Ever since last night's argument I could tell in your voice that you hated me, so now I will release my soul from my body. That way you won't have to yell anymore. I'm sorry for coming into your lives and causing all the suffering and pain that I did. Now it is time to redeeem myself of my unfortunate, futile existance. Good bye Peter, James and Remus. I will see you again when your time __comes._

_Love: Sirius (Padfoot) Black_

_P.S Remus, I love you. _

"No. Sirius" I murmured, choking and holding back tears unsuccessfully.

For what felt like a lifetime I stood in my tracks, crying, and crying over Sirius's decision to leave me, alone in this world without him.

Then, I made a decision of my own.

I conjured a quill and a peice of parchment with my wand.

I wrote: _Dear Wormtail and Prongs, _

_I know the whereabouts of Padfoot. Because of our arguement last night he has given up his life thinking that we hated him and that he caused pain in our lives. Read the note attached to his wand which I am using to keep this note on the rock you most likely found it on. You may be wondering where I am right now and why I didn't return to the domintory after I left looking for Sirius. I too, have made the decision, to give up my life to stop the pain and suffering I experience in it. Padfoot never understud that he was my reason to carry on in life. He was the reason I was eagar to wake up in the morning. He's even the reason I stay at school during vacation. Just seeing his face every morning when I wake up makes my day. Make no mistake, I love you guys and will miss you, it's just, I love Sirius more, and now that he is gone there really is no point for me to live anymore. I will for ever miss you until your time comes to pass, but now I know I will be with Padfoot forever. _

_Love: Remus (Moony) Lupin_

I put the wand with Sirius's note attached on top of my note to prevent the breeze from blowing my note away.

"They would eventually find it." I said to myself with easy confidence. "I'm going to see Sirius again."

I picked up my wand that I realized I had dropped when I noticed the note on Sirius's wand.

I poised it so that I was holding it facing myself.

I laughed, then smiled and said: "I'm coming Sirius. _Avada Kadavera!_"

My lifeless body hit the floor with a slighly muffled _thud_.

I knew from now on I could forever be with my friend, my mate and my lover, Sirius Black.

PLZ Review (Puppy dog face)


End file.
